The Garden of Eden, where it all began

Was most likely in Iraq or Iran.

There aren’t many clues to give us guidance

About Adam and Eve’s first abidance.

For us today I think our guiding star

Is that Eden can be wherever you are.

How to know if you’re dating one is key

But might be worth asking, “What about me?”

With psychopaths everywhere, it could be true

That you may in fact be one of them too.

How would you know? I think self-awareness

Would be pretty darn hard, in all fairness.

A staunch conservative and anti-gay

Lauren would never act in a bad way…

Her moral code is of the highest rank!

Only sinners grope and vape, to be frank.

So of course she lied, she did nothing wrong!

Until video showed she’s a ding-dong…

So Caitlin Jenner has a big reveal

And no one is saying, “Really? For real?!”

Turns out that Kim – now hold onto your hats –

Is not one of those lazy LA’s brats

But has been working for fame all along!

Man did I ever judge her all wrong…

It’s small surprise that in Australia

Sharks swim about in full regalia.

What might not be obvious at first glance

Is their territorial expanse.

I mean golf is mental enough as is…

Without sharks making it part of their biz.

The most surprising thing I learned in this

Was not that Hunter was surely remiss –

The guy is an addict, can’t be trusted

And it’s a good thing that he’s been busted –

But that the law for an illegal gun

Gives you a 25 year prison run…

Mitt Romney’s retiring, that’s not good.

It gets worse when you read why, so you should.

Moral decay and sheer personal greed

Are routinely placed above national need.

Those who are thoughtful and there for service

Are all driven out. It makes me nervous…

Whoever subscribes to this silly thought

Should probably be hunted down and caught,

Then removed from civil society

And perhaps tested for sobriety.

This notion fails to understand the fact –

Animals are our friends, it’s not abstract.

You hate to see it… but unexpected?

Not when the line leaves him unprotected.

Added to that are his increasing years

And it’s enough to leave Jets fans in tears.

I questioned the wisdom of this veteran drill

Especially when paying 75 mill…

Twenty-one years… I remember so well.

And the thousands of tolls of the bell.

It wasn’t a tragedy just for us

Global memorials sing like a chorus.

There in Ireland and around the world

At least 20 nations have flags unfurled.