Kudos and congrats to this fine kid,

Who won her spelling bee championship bid!

And on top of that, we should all take note,

There is the chance, and it’s not remote,

That it won’t even be her biggest feat…

She holds three records as an athlete!

The First Amendment is precious for sure

It takes many freedoms and makes them secure.

But the security that it provides

Prevents the government from taking sides.

People and companies are free to say

“Shut up you A-hole, you’re not okay!”

Among the most important forces
With often somewhat mysterious sources
Hope springs eternal with certain types
For whom it creates enabling pipes.
And dogs embrace it without exemption,
As if they’d seen The Shawshank Redemption.

Pigs sure get a difficult rap

And it’s easy to fall into the trap

Of dismissing them and how they live…

But perhaps it’s time for us to forgive

Since pigs may be a bit messy and pink,

But it’s human neighbors who really stink.

They say everyone has a special skill

I’m not sure that that’s true, but even still

Joey Chestnut is for sure a master

And challenging him can lead to disaster…

He reigns supreme in his chosen domain

No one will defeat him without great pain.

Happy Birthday America, what a day

For hot dog contests and feeling gay!

We’ve done a whole lot, there’s still work to do

But I’ve got a feeling we’re pulling through.

Of course the media must still make a buck

So they’re gonna say everything will suck…

I suppose there are things you must unwind

And ways that you’ll find yourself in a bind

Like who’s going to take the dogs for a walk

At 10 am Tuesday, without a squawk?

So yes, going back to work may be tough…

But c’mon now, enough is enough!

The dynamic young sprinter, in a bind

Discovers the world is not very kind…

She copes as she can and smokes some weed

It seems like that was a simple need.

The Olympic Committee disagrees…

Weed is performance enhancing?! Oh please…

Just as the fog is starting to recede

Along comes news that will make us all need

To pour yet another drink to forget

About all the issues that pose a threat.

Adding insult to injury, at the core,

Now having that drink will cost us more!

Almost every day I walk on the beach

Through all the seasons and in each

I go with my dogs and bring a bag too,

To pick up the massive new plastic stew

That washes ashore every single day…

We need operations like this without delay.